Tag Archives: children

The New Power of Positive Parenting Now Available for Digital Download!

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This popular book has been made easier to share with family, friends and colleagues through a new Digital Download version.

Click here to obtain the downloadable or the regular version.

Written by Dr. Alvy, this easy-to-read guidebook brings to parents 16 standards against which they can evaluate and improve how they are raising their children. The guidelines address numerous child rearing challenges and issues, and they are based on the latest research on effective parenting and upon the recommendations of parenting authorities.

The guidebook includes numerous practical examples of how best to relate to children of all ages and how to build a relationship where children are supported in reaching their full potential.

The guidelines address matters such as how best to express love and appreciation, how to set family rules, how to avoid using physical punishment and other destructive practices. Also addressed are how to manage children’s use of technology and the media, and how to keep them off drugs. The parenting skills that are taught are from a variety of modern parenting programs, including Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.), Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP), The New Confident Parenting Program, the Effective Black Parenting Program, and the Los Ninos Bien Educados Program.

Interviews with parents who have read the guidebook indicate that they were engaging or not engaging in the following behaviors and activities:

• Kissing and hugging children more often.

• Yelling at them less.

• Spanking less, if not stopping spanking altogether.

• Reminding their children more often about family rules.

• Praising good behavior more often.

• Looking at and praising their children’s art and writing more often.

• Giving instructions in a clear and firm voice more often.

• Reading to their children more often and telling them stories.

• Getting books or visiting the library to learn about different cultures.

• Learning more about parenting and child development.

• Taking parenting classes to become better parents.

• Getting more rest, relaxation and exercise for themselves.


• “It gave me perfect guidelines for raising my children to be healthy and confident.”

• “It helped me to realize what I am doing wrong and what I am doing right.”

• “It made me realize that children are a reflection of what they see at home.”

• “it explains and then gives examples! Easy to read with steps and guides to each problem.”

• “Great ideas! Great book to guide you.”

• “Everyone should have one in their house!”

The vast majority of parents who were interviewed several months after having received the guidebook commented that they were seeing many positive changes in their children’s behavior and feelings as a result of their using what they learned from the book.

Click here to obtain the downloadable or the regular version.

The Soulful Parent Book Now Available for Digital Download!

The Soulful Parent Book Now Available for Digital Download

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The Soulful Parent: Raising Healthy, Happy and Successful African American Children has been made easier to share with family, friends and colleagues through a new Digital Download version.

The Soulful Parent book contains 50 interviews with parents, grandparents and instructors who have made extensive use of the parenting skills and ideas that are taught in CICC’s Effective Black Parenting Program. It includes vivid descriptions of the features of the program that were most influential and how their use improved the quality of relationships to African American children.

Click here to obtain your downloadable copy.

This is the book’s Table of Contents:

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The Soulful Parent_Table of Contents Pg 2

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Successful Workshop Completed During CICC’s 42nd Anniversary

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The latest instructor training workshop to learn to deliver CICC’s Los Ninos Bien Educados program for parents of Latino children was a major success! A total of 12 new instructors from social service and mental health agencies and departments in Los Angeles County completed the workshop on May 13, 2016.

Their reactions and evaluations were uniformly positive, including several participants saying the workshop not only prepared them well to educate the families they serve but also how what they learned in the workshop enhanced the parenting of their own children.

Videos and Pictures from that workshop are available by clicking here. Once you arrive at the page scroll to the bottom to find all the videos and photos of the workshop. Included are scenes from the actual workshop with Dr. Martha Lopez, the workshop leader and Dr. Kerby Alvy, CICC’s founder and director.

Anniversary Event

It was a pleasant coincidence, since CICC was officially founded as a non-profit community service, training and research organization in May 1974, that this workshop took place during the month of CICC’s 42nd Anniversary. During those years CICC’s programs and services have contributed to over one million parents nationwide becoming more skillful, effective and sensitive in raising their children.

CICC is very proud of these far-reaching and important accomplishments, and wishes to thank everyone who has been involved!

Related Resources

Additional information about workshops and educational materials from CICC’s three national model parenting programs are available on the CICC website.

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New Confident Parenting Program

Effective Black Parenting Program

Los Ninos Bien Educados Program

We encourage your comments and opinions below.

The Needs and Rights of Children and Parents…………. by Kerby T. Alvy, Ph.D.

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Children need space and freedom to grow. They need an atmosphere of warmth and trust in which to freely express their thoughts and emotions.

These same things, however, can also be said for parents. They, too, need space and freedom to grow. They, too, need a family climate conducive to the free expression of ideas and feelings.

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All too often, however, it seems the needs of parents are being sacrificed to the wishes and behavior of their children, or vice versa. Either way, the consequences are usually disastrous for both parent and child. Resentments build, tempers flare, and, in the final analysis, neither party gets what he or she really wants – a healthy and happy relationship with the other. In short, nobody wins.

The point of all this is that a satisfactory balance must be obtained. For example, your decision to have children brought with it a number of responsibilities and commitments. Yet no one would argue that with that decision you were obligated to sell your personal happiness down the river.

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Each set of parents, then, must work this out for themselves, carefully balancing the needs of the children for optimal growth and development with their own needs for self-expression, harmony, and peace of mind.

These are among the main reasons why we at the Center for the Improvement of Child Caring have created our trio of evidence-based parenting skill-building programs, our New Confident Parenting Program for parents of all cultural background, our Effective Black Parenting Program for parents of African American children, and our Los Ninos Bien Educados Program for parents of Latino children.

To better balance a parents’ needs and rights with those of their children, we urge you to obtain the Parent Handbook of the most appropriate program for your family and use what is taught to bring greater peace and harmony to your home. These handbooks also make great gifts for friends, relatives and colleagues.
Just click on the title of handbooks of your choice and you will be able to purchase them with your credit card.

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New Confident Parenting Program

Effective Black Parenting Program

Los Ninos Bien Educados Program

We encourage your comments and opinions below.

Parenting: The Dance of Our Lives… by Kerby T. Alvy, Ph.D.


I have found it both instructive and enjoyable to think of parenting as a grand dance that we do with our children…

The hall is prepared for the dance when we think about becoming parents and have a vision of what our relationships will be like with our children.

When we focus on what sort of persons our children will become and how we will help them grow in ways that we value, we have begun the dance.

For mothers the dance takes on concrete reality when the child’s moves become felt inside her. She senses the mysterious steps or kicks of the child and reacts with her own movements and thoughts. Even for fathers, when mothers share their reactions they too become partners of the grand dance.

Once the child appears, we are in for the dance of our lives.
Whether we are the child’s biological mother or father, foster or adoptive parents, or otherwise responsible for that child’s safety, health and well being, we are in for at least two decades worth of surprising moves and changes that we must react to and accommodate.

Sometimes the dance will be slow and smooth. Other times it will be hot and hectic. At best we will remain in synchrony as our child’s partner, swaying in rhythm as he or she sways, providing leads that are easy to follow, at times difficult, experiencing exhilaration at the meshing of two minds, two hearts and two bodies. At worst we will be out of step or dancing to a different beat, both on the same dance floor, but miles apart.

Most of the movement will be initiated by our little dance partners. As infants their actions and cries alert us how to care for them, how to hold, rock, feed and comfort them. They teach us and we learn quickly what they need. Successfully soothing a discomforted baby is a lesson we should learn from because our children will continue to confront us with behaviors that will challenge us. Being sensitive and vigilant to how they react to our reactions will serve us well.

Their vulnerability, tenderness and desire to be loved make the dance ever so worthwhile. Their extreme emotionality and disobediences, however, can detract from the beauty of it all if we fail to understand and react properly. When we hear their first “nos” and find ourselves running after them, we are best served by appreciating this as normal childhood behavior, spawned out of playfulness and out of childhood naïveté about what is or is not acceptable.

The testing of the limits of acceptability is also a phenomenon that is wisely understood as normative as it will occur over and over again as we dance with our children throughout their residency in our homes.

They will also bring challenges to the smoothness of the dance from what they learn from television, movies, the Internet, social media and from their friends, peers and relatives. All of whom are powerful shapers of who they are and are becoming.

Possibly the most momentous challenge is the wholesale behavior transformations that happen as they grow from one developmental stage to another – and to another, and to another, until sometimes we are not certain that today’s dance partner is the same as yesterday’s.

We parents also bring newness and challenges to the dance. We don’t stop evolving and developing once we become parents. We may be fully formed physically but our minds and hearts continue to bring issues before us that cause changes in what we consider important.

And our bodies change in ways that influence our evaluation of ourselves and our sensitivity to age and weight considerations.

In addition, we bring into the home new ideas from our education, job, career and friends. Our ideas about what is or is not acceptable are subject to change – and those changes, in turn, affect the dance with our children.

And so the dance goes on and on, swirling, faster, slower, always accommodating changes from both partners, always the most important of dances until we exit from the dance hall for good.



Dr. Alvy has always thought about parenting as a dance we do with our children. The first time he wrote about this conceptualization was in the initial chapter of a book he wrote with Dr. Camilla Clarke in the Parent Handbook for The New Confident Parenting Program.

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This handbook contains a complete program of parenting skills and ideas about how to make the dance as enjoyable and productive as possible. You can obtain the book by clicking here.


CICC has added a new feature to its website to enable you to never miss an article on parenting and parent training!

Now you can automatically receive every important article that CICC publishes.

Simply go to the CICC homepage (www.ciccparenting.org), scroll to the middle of the page to the new Mailing List Form (see below). Fill it out on the CICC homepage, Check “I am Not a Robot” and then Click on Submit.


Then you will be among the first to receive new articles that CICC publishes.

These professionally written articles have included, and will continue to include,


like the Get Home Safely Rules to help children know what to do when stopped by police. These Rules are in English & Spanish.


like those on the Lasting Impact of Positive Parenting


like urging Presidential Candidates to include Effective Parenting and Parenting Education in Policy Proposals to make America a more child and family supportive nation


like reviews of such films as Spotlight to broaden perspectives on such issues as the institutional abuse of children


like the opportunity to enroll in a workshop to learn to deliver CICC’s Los Ninos Bien Educados Program for parents of Latino children, and upcoming workshop opportunities to learn to deliver CICC’s other national model programs, CICC’s New Confidant Parenting Program and CICC’s Effective Black Parenting Program.


like the recent ten part series on why We Must Stop Hitting Children!

The next soon-to-published series will be concerned with… How Children Learn.

So to insure that you do not miss it and other helpful articles go immediately to the CICC homepage (www.ciccparenting.org), scroll to the middle of the page to the new Mailing List Form (see below). Fill it out on the CICC homepage, Check “I am Not a Robot” and then Click on Submit.


“Get Home Safely” Rules Now Available in Spanish and English

Because encounters with police have proven deadly in cities across our nation, and, especially so if you are a youth of color, CICC has responded by adopting and using a set of practical rules or guidelines for parents to share with their children and families. These rules are designed to insure that children and youth and anyone else who is stopped by police “get home safely.”

In addition to the English version, CICC now has a Spanish version, Llegar A Casa Seguro, which appears here for the first time.

The 10 rules were initially developed by the Children’s Defense Fund.

Here they are:

Llegar A Casa Seguro

Get Home Safely Rules

We have also begun sharing these as part of our parenting instructor training workshops which prepare people to conduct high quality parenting classes in their communities. The rules fit in perfectly with all of the basic parenting skills that are taught in these workshops.

Other organizations, including government departments of health and mental health and entire school districts, have begun distributing these helpful guidelines to all of their clients and constituents.

We urge you to make extensive use of these safety rules.

We also encourage you to comment on these rules.


If you are interested in also bringing a parenting instructor training workshop to your community, click INSTRUCTOR WORKSHOPS to learn about these workshops and how to bring them to your group or community.


The Parent Handbooks for CICC’s three national model parenting programs are also available here. These programs teach a variety of positive parenting skills and ideas to help bring harmony to family life and to promote the development of young people.

There is a version that is appropriate for all families, The New Confident Parenting Program, and two with a focus on families of color: the Effective Black Parenting Program and the Los Ninos Bien Educados Program for parents of Latino children.

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***To receive regular updates on parenting education, join CICC’s Mailing List. Go to our Home page and scroll down to the Mailing List Form to fill it out.

Discounts for Los Ninos Bien Educados Instructor Training Workshop still Available!


For the May 9-13, 2016 Instructor Training Workshop, to learn how to deliver the Los Ninos Bien Educados Parenting Program for parents of Latino children, it is still possible to receive Discounted Enrollments! To enroll, click here

To obtain Discounts, call Dr. Alvy at: 818-358-4858 or his cell: 818-621-6739.

To view a Video about the Los Ninos Bien Educados Program itself, that originally aired on NBC News in Los Angeles, click here

To learn about the Los Ninos Bien Educados Parenting Program and it’s impact, visit News here

We Must Stop Hitting Children! Part 10 Conclusions, Resources and What To Do Instead……….. by Kerby T. Alvy, Ph.D.

Part 10: Conclusions, Resources and What To Do Instead
by Kerby T. Alvy, Ph.D.

The major points covered in this series of articles gives you and everyone who relates to children ample justification for never hitting children. Books and training programs like The NEW Confident Parenting, Effective Black Parenting and Los Ninos Bien Educados provide the skills and ideas for learning and using only non-violent approaches.

There are other issues to consider about the use of physical punishment with children. An excellent source for reviewing a fuller range of considerations is a book by Olivier Manual,
Spanking: Questions and Answers About Disciplinary Violence. It not only covers more issues but includes ways of dealing with people and groups who believe in the use of physical punishment. I strongly recommend this excellent book which has a Forward by world-respected child advocate and clinician Alice Miller and which is written in a very reader-friendly manner. It is available free by clicking on its title.


Here is a summary of actions to take instead of ever hitting children:

1. PREVENTION – Probably the most effective alternative to hitting a child is prevention. By creating a “child proof” environment, children are less likely to get into trouble. For example, in the early years placing interesting objects out of the reach of children is child proofing. Creating a stool for little kids to stand on to obtain a needed item cuts down on wining requests when you are occupied, etc. Also playing with children builds up their desire to cooperate and learn good interpersonal habits.

2. SHOW DISAPPOINTMENT – Let the child know that you are disappointed in his or her behavior. Explain what your expectations are. Make sure he or she understands right from wrong and what the rules are. Explain the consequences if the inappropriate behavior continues.

3. TAKE AWAY A PRIVILEGE – If a child misbehaves after being warned, a privilege such as watching television or playing on the computer can be taken away or restricted. Other privileges include playing with a certain toy. Never withhold food.

4. GIVE A “TIME-OUT” – Sending a child to his or her room is not an appropriate “Time-Out.” Instead, select an area that is isolated from others, such as a certain chair in the corner of a room or hallway. Make sure the child knows why he or she is being given a “Time Out” and how long it will last.

5. CATCH THEM BEING GOOD – Whenever a child does something good (helps set the table, brush teeth, speaks politely, etc.) be sure to react with praise and other forms of acceptance of those behaviors.  The more parents respond positively, the less likely children are to misbehave.

6. CREATE A CONTRACT (especially with teenagers) – Write down what you want your teen to do (clean up his/her room, etc.) and indicate what you will do in exchange (stop talking about his friends that you don’t like, etc.).  Be specific in indicating what you want to see and what you will or will not do.  Sign the contract.

7. BE EMPATHETIC – In words and actions, show your children that you understand the difficulties they are facing (other kids calling them names, the loss of a pet, etc.).  Feeling understood helps children feel good about themselves, and such feelings lessen the times they misbehave.

8. NEGOTIATE A BEHAVIORAL TRADE — Agree to change a behavior of your own, such as refraining from criticizing his school work, friends and taste in music and clothes, for the child or teen not talking back to parents and using profanity in the presence of parents. And follow through on the agreement.

9. TAKE A PARENTING COURSE – All of these alternatives to hitting children have fine tuning points, which are best learned with other parents who are trying to do the best for their children and create harmony in the home.  Take the time and effort to sign up for a parenting skill-building course at your church, college, school or local agency. It’s the best continuing education you can get and it sets a great example for your children.

Here’s another way of appreciating and viewing many of these alternatives in a graphic created by a school district that actively promotes positive, non-violent parenting:

Parenting Pyramid

Parenting Classes: Call 211

To find parenting classes in your community, call the central number for referrals in the United States –211–and tell them where you live and why you are looking for a parenting class. This nationwide service usually has information on which agencies and groups in the community offer parenting classes to the public.

You can also Google Parenting Classes in (your community) to find classes.

It is worth the time and effort to become the most educated and sensitive parent you can be. You will not regret making yourself the best parent you can be.

Remember any job is easier when you have had the proper training.

The gift of effective parenting is the greatest gift we can give our children. It is a gift that keeps on giving.

Finally, be a good parenting citizen by sharing this 10 part series, and its references and books, with other family members, friends, colleagues and community leaders. Hold meetings to discuss the various points and to go to classes together. Also check out the various parenting blogs and programs on the Internet. Become a truly educated and educating mother or father.

My best wishes to you and your family on what can and should be the most fulfilling and exciting interpersonal journey of your lives.

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Dr. Alvy and his two daughters, who are both human service professionals, a psychologist and a social worker, and advocates for the humane treatment of all human beings.

We encourage your comments and opinions below.

We Must Stop Hitting Children! Part 9 Countries Who Have Outlawed Hitting Children – By Kerby T. Alvy, Ph.D.

Part 9 Countries Who Have Outlawed Hitting Children
By Kerby T. Alvy, Ph.D.

Increasingly, countries around the world are prohibiting physical punishment of children. As of January 2015, 46 countries have passed laws to ban physical punishment.

The laws that these countries have passed to outlaw the use of physical punishment with children are NOT aimed at prosecuting parents, but at setting a clear standard of care giving. Their primary purpose is to protect children by sending an unambiguous message that hitting them is wrong and not allowed.

In these countries, violations of the no hitting children laws are taken as a sign that the parents need help in learning how to relate to their children in positive, non-violent ways.


Sweden (1979),

Finland (1983),

Norway (1987),

Austria (1989),


Cyprus (1994), 

Denmark (1997),

Latvia (1998),

Bulgaria (2000),

Germany (2000),

Israel (2000),

Iceland (2003),

Romania (2004),

Ukraine (2004),

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Hungary (2005), 

Greece (2006),

Chile (2007),

the Netherlands,

New Zealand (2007), 

Portugal (2007),

Uruguay (2007), 

Spain (2007), 

Venezuela (2007), 

Costa Rica (2008),
Liechtenstein (2008),
Luxembourg (2008),
Moldova (2008),
Kenya (2010),
Albania (2010),
Congo, Republic of (2010),

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Poland (2010),
Tunisia (2010),
South Sudan (2011),
Honduras (2013),
Macedonia (2013),
Andorra (2014),
Argentina (2014),
Malta (2014),
Estonia (2014),
Bolivia (2014),
Brazil (2014),
Cape Verde (2014),
Nicaragua (2014),
San Marino (2014),
South Korea (2015),
Benin (2015).

We encourage your comments and opinions below.


The NEW Confident Parenting is a book that discusses many of the issues surrounding the use of physical punishment and offers an entire program for raising children without ever having to use physical punishment.

The Effective Black Parenting and Los Ninos Bien Educados parenting programs provide similar guidance from cultural perspectives on hitting children.

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